Living in a magical tower sounds glamorous, right? A place where every room can shift, appear, or disappear at will, creating a labyrinth of endless possibilities? Wrong. Dead wrong.
Because when you need to find a bathroom in a tower that’s having a bad day, it’s the opposite of glamorous. It’s maddening.
Picture this: It’s late at night. I’ve just settled into bed, Blizzard snoring softly on the rug. I’m halfway to dreamland when my body decides it needs the bathroom. Okay, fine. I’m not thrilled, but I figure it’ll be a quick trip. I grab my candle and step into the hallway, ready to shuffle my way to the usual spot.
But guess what? The bathroom isn’t there. Of course it isn’t. The tower’s in one of its moods.
I try the door next to my room—normally a storage closet. Nope, now it’s the library. I love books, but they don’t help in this situation. I mutter a few choice words under my breath and shuffle farther down the hall.
Second door? The alchemy lab. Great. If I wanted a potion to make me not have to pee, this would be perfect.
Third door? A broom closet. Not even a big one.
By this point, I’m starting to regret every cup of tea I drank that evening. Blizzard trots up behind me, looking all smug and cozy, because she doesn’t have to deal with this nonsense. She just goes wherever she wants—literally.
I try going downstairs. The staircase is longer than usual, like the tower’s stretching itself out just to annoy me. When I finally get to the ground floor, I try another door. Kitchen. Next one? Dining room. Finally, I open a door, and there it is—the bathroom!
Or so I thought.
Turns out, it’s not the bathroom. It’s some random staircase that looks like a bathroom entrance but leads straight to the attic. Why does the tower even have an attic staircase disguised as a bathroom door? I don’t know. Nobody knows.
By now, I’m practically begging the tower out loud. “Please, just give me the bathroom! I’ll clean my room, I’ll organize the bookshelves, I’ll even mop the floors!” But the tower doesn’t care. It’s like it’s laughing at me.
Finally, after what feels like hours (but was probably only fifteen minutes), I stumble into a room that actually is the bathroom. Sweet, sweet relief! But here’s the thing—I can’t even enjoy it, because I know the tower’s just going to pull the same trick as I try to find my bedroom on the way back!
And guess what? It does.
I step out of the bathroom, thinking I’ll just retrace my steps. Easy, right? Wrong. The hallway has completely changed. My bedroom door is nowhere to be found. Instead, there’s a stairwell that spirals down to who-knows-where, a random storage closet that smells like mothballs, and—somehow—a second bathroom. Where was that when I needed it?
I should’ve known better. This isn’t even the first time the tower’s pulled something like this. A couple of weeks ago, I was on my way to the kitchen to grab a late-night snack. Simple enough, right? Except the tower decided that was the perfect time to have a tantrum.
I swear, the second I opened my bedroom door, the hallway was replaced with an endless spiral staircase. At first, I thought, “Oh, maybe the kitchen is just on a different floor tonight.” (Because, yes, that’s an actual thought I have to have in this ridiculous place.) So I start walking down the stairs. And walking. And walking. It felt like I’d been walking forever, and I still hadn’t reached the bottom.
Finally, I stopped and thought, “Okay, maybe the stairs don’t actually end.” I turned around to go back up, only to find that the stairs behind me were gone. Just gone. Like, poof! No way back.
At that point, I was getting cranky, so I started yelling at the tower. You know, the usual stuff: “Why are you like this?” “I just want some bread!” “If this is about me leaving my books in the kitchen, I swear I’ll clean them up!”
Eventually, a door appeared in the wall, so I stomped through it, figuring it had to be the kitchen. Nope. It was a broom closet. Filled with brooms that immediately started sweeping around my feet. One of them actually tried to trip me. A broom!
By the time I finally found the kitchen, I was too tired to even bother with a snack. I just grabbed an apple, muttered something about how the tower was the least magical place I’d ever been, and went back to bed. At least that time, my room was where I left it.
But tonight? Nope. The tower is on a mission to make me lose my mind. Blizzard, of course, has already found her bed and is curled up like she doesn’t have a care in the world. I swear she knows some kind of secret tower password.
After another twenty minutes of wandering, dodging mysterious staircases and avoiding an ominous door that was humming (seriously, why does a door need to hum?), I finally find my room. I practically dive into bed, pulling the blankets over my head like that’ll protect me from the tower’s shenanigans.
So, if you ever think it’d be fun to live in a magical, shape-shifting home… think again. Because trust me, it’s a lot harder to appreciate the wonders of enchanted architecture when you’re stuck wandering the halls in your pajamas, just trying to get some sleep—or a snack.